This isnt a rant guys. Well...it kind is. But I think its more of me venting. Hard. and lots.
Now you're all wondering
'why would she vent? She doesnt seem like the one who has stuff to vent about.' Ohhhh boyyy are you wrong. I have so much shit in my life.
Do you know what I hate most right now? Myself. No. Not in the emo-I-want-to-kill-myself way, but in the Omg Alyssa, Im-so-disappointed-in-you way. Thats how I feel about myself right now. I fucking hate it. Sometime I hate leaving school. Most of the time I hate school altogether. I hate it how my (school) friends have stopped contacting me recently. One of them asked me to come to her house and hang out. I said I didnt feel like going out that day. She then told me that Id changed. Have I? I havent noticed it. Am I supposed to notice it? So I can change back to my normal self? Do I even
want to? I really dont know anymore.
Im always the one to take things from people. The rants, the whining, the complaints. Everything. I dont mind. Seriously. I dont. I love it. I love it because it shows that people trust me enough to talk to me about things. Even when I never have the right things to say back to them, to comfort them.
But why cant I ever talk to someone
else about
my shit? Dont I have the right to? Hasnt anyone thought
Hey, she has problems too. Ill go ask how her day was and let her vent to me about it. But no. Some people dont give a fuck and some people just dont want the burden and guilt of listening to someone elses problems.
My councilor told me Im one of those people that put myself into another persons shoes. I try to see it from
their point of view. I like doing that. I like to try and see how it must feel for them to go through whatever theyre going through. Thats just me. I look before I leap. I think of what the circumstances will be before I do something. Whatever that something will be.
What am I doing with my life right now? Nothing. Thats what. I dont what to go to school next year. Yes, I want a job. Yes, I want money. And yes. The only thing I want to do for the rest of my life is cosplay right now. Most of you wont like that. But I think its the only thing Im good at right now and I dont think that my drawing skills will get me anywhere in life at the moment.
But guess what. You need money for cosplay. I we dont have any money. We would if my stupid parents didnt brake up. I blame them you know. I blame them for what happened to me. Its all their fault. I hate it. I hate them for it. Sometime I want to scream it at them and say I dont give a fuck. But I do. I really fucking do. Its their fault for making me like this. Its their fault I left school. Its. All.
Their. Fault.
Shut up Alyssa. Shut the fuck up.
Im so lonely. So fucking lonely. Im the type of person that needs to be with someone all the time. I need someone that knows that Im here. I hate it right now. I hate it. I hate that I cant see you. I hate that you cant see me. I hate it that you live so far away. I hate that Im so selfish when it comes to you. I hate it that you went to Naruus party and you cant come to mine. I hate being so jealous over you because I think that you have a better life than me. I hate it that I cant imagine putting myself in your position to see what your life is like because you are
you. I mostly hate that I cant hold you whenever we are near each other because sometimes I think that youre really not ready for this
type of relationship with me because
I am. I love it when youre on my mind
all the time because I like you
so damn much Megan.
I think thats it for me. I dont really have anything more to vent about. I probably do. But I cant think right now.
So yeah. I dont have a councilor to talk about this stuff anymore, so I thought, Meh, dA will do. XD
If you comment on this; dont tell me how sorry you are. Why would you have to be? Theyre my problems.

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